his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
