On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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