trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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