Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
