Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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