While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
