I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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