your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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