Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We left an ass print on the piano.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
