Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
