For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
