Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
