She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm determined to sit on that face.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
