Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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