I'm jealous of your bromance
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
