North Korea, Best Korea!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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