I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
