his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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