I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Mom said you looked used
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize