So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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