the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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