Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
