GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
