that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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