So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
