remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
