Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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