no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
