A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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