i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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