I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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