cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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