you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
