Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
