it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We had to coat check the pizza.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
soo... how was my night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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