I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
