The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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