Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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