Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
