Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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