One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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