I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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