I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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