I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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