plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize