Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
