you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
