I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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