Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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