he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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