I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just invented taco cereal.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
