He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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