just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
