he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize