My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
