I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
