it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
