My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Come on in and take your pants off
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