I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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