fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
false alarm. still invincible.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
