I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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