And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
In America we eat man semen.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Less talking, more tequila
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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