i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
