plz talk dirty to me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
