I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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