I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We need to rekindle our bromance
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
