my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
