either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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