just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
